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Sunday, August 8, 2010

Phoenixsoul's Guide to Facebook Stalking Part I

Urbandictionary.com defines the term "Facebook Stalking" as a covert method of investigation, good for discovering a wealth of information about people you don't actually know.

On July 21, 2010, Facebook officially reached 500 million users. Now with the world's population being roughly 6.6 billion, this means that about 1/13 of the world is on Facebook. Figure for the countries with technological limitations, and it's safe to assume that a large amount of America is a part of it's most popular social network.

Facebook users typically post a ridiculous amount of personal information on their profiles. From a user's favorite movies, music, books, and interests, to their political and religious beliefs, much of a Facebook profile can be a cheat sheet to how a person perceives oneself. So if you don't mind being blatantly deceptive, then Facebook, when used properly, can be a magnificent tool for stalking and hooking up with the girl or guy of your dreams!

Common interests are often the bridge that we use to connect to people in everyday situations. And so with a person's interests already made viewable, proper utilization is all that stands between you and your potential stalking target.

I'll use my own profile for example. Let's pretend a girl in my class has set her sights on me, but isn't exactly sure how to approach me. Go to my Likes and Interests section, and listed in the Activities segment is Scrabble, Sudoku, Skydiving, B-boying, Poetry, Guitar, Most Things Involving Music.

Now the expert stalker typically takes the most rare interest and uses it for their own personal gain. Using any ordinary interests listed would likely be ineffective, as rare commonalities are what usually intrigue human beings the most.

Now Facebook helps tremendously with determining between rare and ordinary activities.

Simply place the cursor over Guitar, and you'll see that over a million people have this listed as an interest. So if my classmate approaches me and speaks of her love for playing guitar, the most I'll say is "Oh that's nice" because a ridiculous amount of people have interest in guitar. And if she asks if I'd like to jam sometime, there's a good chance I'd politely decline (assuming I'm not already attracted to her), because there are a wealth of folks that I can jam with.

Now let's say the classmate engages me in general conversation, and in exiting, she says "Well, I gotta go, I'm meeting some friends for a Scrabble tournament." Instantly, my interest in peaked. It'd be only natural for me to say "Oh you play Scrabble? I love Scrabble! It's my favorite board game of all time!" And then that's the setup for her to follow with something along the lines of "Really? Well maybe we should play sometime?"

Now regardless of attraction (unless the stalker is just butt ugly, annoying, or has some other intolerable quality), I'm not gonna say no, because not only do I love Scrabble, but it's also a lot more difficult to find people that love it enough to participate in a tournament. So of course I'll likely agree to meet her to play, providing her with a perfect opportunity for one-on-one time as well as an opening to dazzle and charm.

A similar method is paying attention to a person's status history. Depending on privacy settings, you can typically browse a person's wall and get a sense of who they are and/or what they feel they're missing. Some people's statuses are a little less revealing than others, so success with this method of stalking will depend greatly on how informative the stalkee is.

Now if you're a true stalker and you suffer from infatuation with someone you're not even Facebook friends with, a great way 'in' is to determine if you have common friends, which a look at the stalkee's page will quickly determine. And if you two work in the same office, have the same hangout spots, or have ever attended the same school, it is highly likely that you do. If you think you don't, please keep in mind the theory of six degrees of separation, as it truly is a small world.

Facebook is certainly a much more efficient way to stalk than tiptoeing around, secretly snapping pictures, and snipping off locks of hair.

MY SINGLE WARNING is that you appear natural and casually mention these likes and interests. Stating something about the stalkee that you could have only learned from Facebook stalking will likely blow your cover and probably make you seem slightly creepy.

Happy Stalking!

Disclaimer: The author of this blog does not in anyway encourage actual stalking. This post is intended as entertainment only.


  1. Thanks Raven, just trying to do my part

  2. your pretty knowledgeable in the world of facebook stalking *laughs* I will use this information only for good. thanks for posting.

  3. Lol yeah I knew how it'd look. No worries though, being random gets me in all sorts of trouble.

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