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Monday, August 30, 2010

Superficial OR Stop C-blocking Your Soulmate

For my people who haven’t quite found what they’re looking for…

The concept of Singular Soulmatism (I made it up, but it sounds good) is what many of us are taught when we’re young. We’ll grow up, become horny, and in the midst of all the horniness, we’ll meet that single special someone that was always meant for us. It’s a cute concept, and likely influenced by traditional values. But all-in-all, it’s probably a tad bit far-fetched. I think there are many possible matches out there for any particular individual. Now of course, some individuals are so “uniquely special” that it’s no shocker that there is only one individual on Earth that could tolerate that person for a lifetime. But for many of the people that stick close to the path of normalcy, we raise or lower our own probability of compatibility dependent upon superficial factors.

I’m sure some may disagree with the reasoning mentioned here, but hear me out briefly. The thought that inspires this blog is “What personal prejudices do we allow to limit our number of potential partners?”

The majority of us are at least a little superficial. But how often does being superficial get in the way of what could be the love of a lifetime?

Now, let's stay away from confusing superficial qualities with values. Religion, belief in traditional dating, and even smoking and drinking fall under the values category.

Think about it. 6.8 billion people on Earth, and you only date African-American guys that are at least 6’0 (so you can wear your heels and still be comfortable), make at least $60,000, fits today’s image of being in-shape, and are physically attractive to you. So you’re dating all these people that look the same, and you eventually find someone close enough to plan a future with. But how do you know what you missed? If there’s a Korean guy with your exact set of values, interests, and beliefs, do you not give him the time of day just because of what your family and friends would think? It happens all the time, as we automatically disqualify an individual from contention based on things that have absolutely nothing to do with that person's character.  So I came up with 5 categories that are most likely to be a hindrance to a person’s availability. To be fair, I’ll discuss my own prejudices as related to these categories just to see how my superficial preferences raise or lower my availability.

Superficial Qualities

1) Race
I’ve dated a Puerto Rican, Caucasian, Mexican, African-American, South Korean, Nigerian, and Gambian (I feel like I’m missing one).

2) Artificial Attachments
Where you live and what kind of car you drive don’t bother me much. But WEAVE??!!! I can’t explain it, but weave and I have been worst enemies since the dawn of time. Sew-ins are ok, but the hair sheds too easily and gets everywhere. It’s such a nuisance!!!! Weave ponytails look slightly ghetto (someone’s gonna fight me for that comment). And what really kills me about weave ponytails is that a lot of women will have a totally different texture going on in their hair than what their ponytail is. If your hair is naturally nappy but your ponytail is Indian, that’s just not a good look. Throw a nap in the ponytail or some gel in your hair. Something’s gotta give! All in all, I just prefer that you rock whatever the good Lord gave you. 

Also, too much make-up is a red flag for me. A female with a ton of make-up on may not believe she’s very attractive without it. And I probably won’t either.

3) Stature
Never thought it’d be a problem, until I casually dated a girl that was 6’3. We lasted all of a week. We got along just fine, and we had very similar values, but the height was just kind of a turn off. :(

4) Weight
Once upon a time, I only dated girls that weighed less than 130. Fast forward to present day, and I can honestly say that I have less of a concern with weight, and more of a concern regarding the medical risk factors that may come along with that weight. I definitely have issues if you’re needlessly putting yourself at risk for hypertension, diabetes, and/or heart disease. There's nothing sexy about dying early. So the weight doesn’t really matter, as long as you’re healthy with it.

5) Face
Anything less than a 7, would be uncivilized.

What’s that, 2 out of 5? Wow, I’m horrible.

So to sum this up, you could be overly fond of your weave ponytail and we could compliment each other beautifully, and I still wouldn’t give you the time of day. Man, I am shallow! Does this mean that I’ve been c-blocking myself my entire life? Perhaps.

Of course I don’t care now, because I am in a happy situation. And if you’re in a happy situation, then this post likely won't be very moving. But if you’re not, it’s definitely interesting to wonder how one change to yourself could have changed your past, and could still change your future.


  1. LOL, oh Jamaal. Sometimes I think I have C blocked myself because I too and kind of shallow. its funny, I don't care much your race or weight (though i attract very slim guys) but when it comes to looks I am picky. I do kinda date whose intersted in me, i scare away asians with my afro, but blacks and south americans love them some me. I sometimes think I'm attracted to ppl who are MORE attractive than me which always confuses me on how we even got together (i mean once this girl just stared with her mouth open at us...it was embarassing. like, "how did a 4 get a 9???!! lol) I realized I preferred them to be taller...truth is, I rarely date anyone over 5'7, it seems shortys like me (I'm 5'6) I can never wear heels and not look like an amazonian. however, i think its also because all of my fem friends are so freakishly short (most anyways) and I tower above them with flats! I sat down after reading this and looked back because I sometimes think im shallow. But my dating history and my values seem to match up. We both had to like a few things in common, but also had to have things we liked separately. what made or broke us was the chemistry of our personalities. I thought i may have passed by nice guys who were just not attractive but those nice guys were also dramatic and extreme in nature so there were a reason for it. hmmm... now i need to use this list for all my future lovelies.

  2. lol @ "scare away Asians with my afro."