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Thursday, December 8, 2011

Phoenixsoul’s Guide To Being a Wingman

When heading out with a friend who’s looking for attention from a female in the form of a phone number, a full conversation, or some action, it’s important to understand that your actions are often just as important as his in making this a successful endeavor. The fact of the matter is that chicks usually run in cliques. Even today in these progressive times, it’s still pretty rare to see a female out and about, living it up all by her lonesome. And so when your friend sets his sights on Chick A, and Chick A decides that the interest is mutual, the greatest barrier between him and success (however you define it) is Chick B, the female that Chick A came with.

I’ve had it happen before. At the club, dancing with this girl, having a great time, and she wants to go out to the breezeway and talk. We’re having great conversation, exchanging numbers, and talking about going to get some breakfast. But then, all of a sudden, her friend comes out of nowhere, grabs her arm, gives me this look, and says something like “Whoa stranger, don’t know you, don’t trust you with my friend.” And so I was forced to watch helplessly as Chick B dragged Chick A off into the darkness right along with my potential for an amazing night.

What a hater!!!! But she was likely jealous that her hot friend was getting all the attention, and wanted to leave because she wasn’t having a great time.

Now I have no way of guaranteeing this, but I’m almost sure that if one of my friends was in attendance that night, things may have gone much differently. Although Chick B’s claim to be concerned about her friend’s safety was probably *cough* bullshit *cough*, that ‘concern’ was allowed to exist due to the lack of attention she was receiving. While her friend was having a great time, I never noticed anyone asking her to dance, or sparking a random conversation with her. To put it plainly, she had nothing but time and opportunity to HATE HATE HATE!!!!!!

This is where the wingman comes in.

Now let’s define the wingman.

Urbandictionary.com states that the wingman is the opposite of a c-blocker.

A Coors Light commercial defines being a wingman as taking one for the team, so your buddy can live the dream.
I’m into this one, too.

Now, I hate to say it, but not everyone can be a good wingman. A good wingman should be likable, endearing, unselfish, not tough on the eyes, and able to carry a conversation with a perfect stranger. These qualities sound like normal stuff, but you may be surprised how many guys are lacking one or more.

In the aforementioned situation, I believe a good wingman would notice Chick B’s concern early, and create some form of interaction where Chick B’s focus changes from us to him. Furthermore, that wingman would do everything within reason to make sure Chick B’s having a great time. If she says she’s tired, offer to buy her a vodka and red bull. If she says she doesn’t drink, then start a conversation by asking her about herself. I don’t care how tired people are, most people love talking about themselves to some extent. Be a good listener also. Responding in detail goes a long way, and is typically more well-received than “Uh-huh” and “Yeah, I hear you.”

Being a wingman is an art, and while an initial reaction to some may be “Why, should I care about someone else getting ahead?” the truth of the matter is that good wingmen are usually closer to the core in the circle of friends. Now don’t get me wrong, there are certainly far more important qualities in friends, but the good wingman is gonna get the call to go party in Vegas before the terrible one does. I have a friend who does this all the time. He gets a pretty decent amount of action when he goes out with certain friends, and so those are his preferred folks to go out with. He’ll invite them to damn near everything. Meanwhile, he has another friend who almost seems to repel women, and he calls him for anything except partying, which makes the guy feel left out.

Now I understand that this wingman thing may be complicated for some, so I’ve decided to add a few rules to help you poor souls out there who don’t know where to begin.

1) Take One For the Team

Every experienced wingman knows that usually when one friend is having a great time and the other is not, it’s because one doesn’t look as great as the other one and is receiving a lot less attention. And so he usually has to suck it up and take one for the team. Now, it’s a possibility that you may not be attracted to her, and if so, this is where a few strong drinks may come in handy.

2) Don’t Hit On Her Friend (Unless She Gives You the Green Light)

Offending the friend is just as bad as not being there to prevent her blocking ways in the first place. You want to gauge her interest to see if she’s interested in you, or just down for a little conversation. However, usually, the easiest way for your buddy to score (if that’s his goal) is for you and Chick B to connect romantically. When the hot chick sees that her friend is occupied, she’ll likely feel free to move. So if you can work that out, you’ll be outperforming your contract.

3) Don’t Always Be The Wingman

Being wingman every time is like being the designated driver every time. It’s just not right. If you were wingman for your buddy last time, this time should be your time to be the gunner. Plain and simple.

4) Get Chick B the HELL AWAY from Chick A

The idea is to limit their contact to winks, smiles, and thumbs up. Now you don’t want to pull Chick B into a separate room, because then, one of them may worry, and leave to find the other. No, you want them just close enough to where they can see each other, but far away enough where each one is relying on you or your friend (and not each other) for verbal communication.

5) Analyze the Group When There’s More Than One Friend

Check out the group and determine if one of the friends is gonna give your boy a hard time about pushing up on her gal pal. It shouldn’t be too hard to figure it out. See the one smiling at both of you? It’s not her. Do you see the one giving your friend that whatever look or looking away with no expression and/or not paying either of you any attention? There’s your problem child. Now oftentimes, when there’s more than one friend, you can pull one out of the group and the others will do their thing without interruption. But it never hurts to be able to recognize the pest in a group before they hop into action.

Thanks for reading.

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